A Happy Mistake
by Elijah Blackwood
Summary: Another day of stopping the bad guy, the usual for Perry, except things go a little... well, askew. Heinz Doofenshmirtz x Human!Perry
1. They Will Never Forget

Doofenshmirtz welded the last piece onto his new invention, hoping- and, once again, praying, that it will work. He hefted the gun with one hand, placing his palm under it. "Wow, this is a lot heavier than I expected it to be." He paused, taking another minute to look at it, "Then again, what else would a Speak-inator look like?"

A loud crash of glass through the window, a strange chorus of "Perry~" announcing the arrival of his long-time frenemy. Doofenshmirtz takes note to the fact he will need another new window from Bill the Window Guy. "Why, hello Perry, want to go through idle chit-chat or just explain my evil plan?" An irritated sound and eyeroll, definitely plan first.

"Well, I'm sick and tired of all the-" As you all know, at this point Perry is no longer listening. He has yet to have a trap spring on him and knowing the guy, he has forgotten to enable one. Looking around curiously, he noticed a lot of the man's former failed weapons are nowhere to be found. The agent finds this very strange but then a cage falls from the ceiling. How original.

The villain huffs, "Have you been listening to anything I just said?!" Perry rolls his eyes again, this job was just plain exasperating. "Well I'll have you know-!" he starts, shaking the raygun in one hand towards Perry. Suddenly, there's a flash of light. "Darn it! I just missed my only shot!" Suddenly, a soft but unamused voice erupts from the cage, "Wow, one shot, great job Doof. Way to waste it."

Perry's eyes widen, he just spoke. Doofenshmirtz slid to the ground in shock, staring at the platypus. "You just..." Perry rolls his eyes, "Just get me out of this fucking cage, please. It's cramped as hell in here, Doofus." The villain's eyes widen, "You did it again." Perry yells back, "Of course I did, now get me the hell out of here, man!" Slowly, Doofenshmirtz raises the cage off of him, "You curse a lot." Another eye roll, "I always have, you just didn't know."

Doofenshmirtz paces back and forth, thinking of a way to reverse this... thing he's done to the platypus. "I think I only have one option..." he says, stopping mid-step as he looks over at Perry. "Heinz... what are you thinking?" Heinz licks his lips nervously, "We have to involve Phineas and Ferb. They have to know, plus, they may be able to help." Perry looked up at Heinz, desperate to help and he sighed before responding, "I'll give you their home phone number, they should still remember you."

There was a silence between the two as they waited for the Flynn-Fletcher boys to arrive. "I cleaned up the place a little," Heinz started, hoping to strike up a conversation to break the tension. "I got rid of all the faulty inventions, and by that I mean all except a handful of them." Perry ignored him completely, willing the brothers to hurry up and to take him home, he wanted to eat and then take a very, very long nap. "How long do you plan on ignoring me?" Silence.

Neither Perry Flynn-Fletcher or Heinz Doofenshmirtz would ever forget this day.


	2. Ugh, Self-Distruct Buttons

In about a half hour the now-teenaged boys came through his front door. "Hey, Doctor Doofen- woah. You're... younger." Perry rolled his eyes, one of the few whatever-inators that actually worked without backfire. He now looked early twenties subsequently the machine exploded, causing both him and Perry to be hospitalised for a while. Ever since then, their frayed relationship strained even more.

After a few hours of working, both being briefed while doing so, they finished the machine. Perry stepped inside and the step-brothers began talking, not noticing that Doofenshmirtz had struck again, tweaking a few wires before turning on the machine. "We should head out, we'll leave Perry to you." A few minutes passed and the machine stopped, "Perry the Platypus?" Heinz called in, to which he heard an angry growl. "What did you do."

The door was opened slightly by a small, tan hand, and a head peaking out with amber eyes hidden behind bluish-green fringe. It took the doctor a bit to register the fact that Perry the Platypus, Animal Agent of Justice was now Perry the Human, Naked Boy of Teendom. "Well, fuck." Heinz whispered under his breath.

A small pause carried on until Heinz said to himself, "I'll get some clothes from my room from when I was 12, that should be around the right size." In the meantime, he handed Perry a large throw blanket from his couch. Perry pulled it inside and wrapped it around himself before stepping out fully to lean against the machine.

Heinz didn't dare take a long look at the boy, shrugging off his jacket and heading closeby towards his room, "How old do you think you are?" Perry watches after him, "I'd guess around the brothers' age, 16." A few minutes later, Heinz comes back with a pair of green shorts and a golden tee shirt and a brown jacket resembling one in a spy movie the brothers used to watch. Paired with white socks and brown loafers, how stylish Perry thought with distaste. He leans back against the control panel, looking over the clothes when the machine implodes. Heinz grimaces.

Heinz quickly juggled the thought of running away before Perry strangled him, since he now had the opposable thumbs to do so. This idea was squashed quickly, however, when he looked across the room at his nemesis/closest-thing-to-a-friend-he's-ever-had. The former platypus looked much more than a little displeased but was still pacifistic enough to not want to kill Heinz. Or do it himself, anyway, the not-really-a-doctor concluded. Heinz stole another look up and realized that the only possible thing to turn Perry back was now in a black hole somewhere, considering his luck.

Perry glares, "You really need to chill with the self-destruct buttons."


	3. Such a Fuck-Up

Perry grabbed the clothes and walked towards where Heinz's bedroom was. He needed to change so he wouldn't have to be naked anymore, it was much too breezy for his liking. Once closing and locking himself inside he stood in front of a narrow mirror, letting the blanket fall to his feet. Observing the folded pile closer revealed a pair of boxers, which he realized was best to put on first. He pulled on the shorts and shirt, shrugging the jacket onto his shoulders. Sitting on the floor, he pulled on his socks and loafers.

He stands and takes one last look, an empty feeling residing deep in his gut, something was missing. Ignoring the idea, Perry unlocked the door to see Heinz about to knock, his blue eyes seemingly black as he looked down at him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was just going to give you this." He held out a familiar brown fedora, "You dropped it by the window when you crashed in." Perry almost smiled until he realized it was much too small now. "It won't fit. Too small."

Heinz nods, "Let's go out to get you a new one, it seems this will be irreversible." Perry nodded silently, following as he left the building. There was a long silence before Heinz coughed nervously. "Well, uhm, this is awkward. So, do you have a plan for explaining to your owners you're human now?" Perry stops, making Heinz stop to look back at him, the boy a head shorter than him. "I wasn't planning for this kind of disaster to happen so, no, I don't have a plan. I can't live with them now, there's no way I can ruin their lives like that." The sun was beginning to set, causing the boy's hair to seemingly glow in the sunset light.

"You don't understand how much you've just ruined my life in one fell swoop, do you?" his eyes were filled with hatred, his voice shaking in anger. Doofenshmirtz just watched the outburst, hairs prickling on his arms and his throat becoming dry. There was a hard pinch behind his eyes, "It's not like I meant to." Perry rushes closer, shoving Heinz back. The action surprised him, making him momentarily lose his balance. "Yeah, it's never on purpose. You're such a fuck-up, you can never do anything right!"

Heinz's mouth fell open, his breath shook and he suddenly felt like crying. Perry scoffed, pushing past him, "I'm going to headquarters to fix this mess you put me in." Heinz turned slowly, watching him stride away. In a hoarse, callous voice he called after him, "I thought you were my friend!" Without turning around he screamed, "Guess not, huh!"

Heinz Doofenshmirtz watched as his best friend walked away, leaving him forever. Sure, they had rough times, but never this bad. Everyone left him, he knew this, but he hoped Perry would stay. He hoped there'd be at least one person who'd care. He should've seen long ago it was just wishful thinking. Who would want be around such a screw-up? His own daughter left him, as did his ex-wife and everyone he's ever loved.

Who could ever love such a fuck-up?


	4. When He Began Drowning

Doofenshmirtz went to a clothing shop he didn't care to remember the name of. Dejectedly, and very much distractedly, looked through the racks of hats. Then he saw it, the hat. It was the exact same type that Perry had, except it would fit Human Perry. It was finally within reach, a possibility of a true friendship. If he could make amends, then he may finally have a true friend.

A woman reached out her hand and grabbed the hat, looking it over before heading towards the checkout counter. Stumbling, Heinz rushed after her, "Ma'am! Ma'am, p-please, stop!" Once she turned around, her eyes were as cold as a corpse. "Yes?" she asked, her tone almost condescending. Heinz swallowed hard, "Please, I need that hat." Her lips curled, "Is it life or death?"

He sighed, "No, it isn't... but I need my friend back. Unless I get him a new hat, he won't give me the time of day." She paused, mulled it over and went to checkout, paying for the hat in cash. The checkout guy smiled, handing her the bag with the hat in it's box, "Have a nice day." Heinz watched in defeat, there went his chances.

The woman hung the bag in front of her, "No one would come up with such a bad lie, so it must be truth. I'll wait until they get a new shipment." He looked down at the woman, a slight red dusting her cheeks, and broke into a smile. "Thank you so much!" She uncrossed her arms, unwrapping her umbrella, even though it wasn't raining. "Make good use of this kindness, boy, it's my charity for the year."

He nodded, leaving the store, walking the short distance home. He looked around, Perry still didn't come back. He set the box down on the couch and walked outside. Rain began pouring down in sheets, causing him to run in the direction Perry had gone. He went to every place he could think of, looking for Perry. Finally, after a while, there was only one place left to look, the docks.

He roamed, knowing full well no one would be out here in such bad weather. The boards made tiny noises at every footfall, although muffled by the loud sound of the appending thunderstorm. The thunder boomed overhead, sending shivers down his spine. He had never been a huge fan of storms, his parents was most of the blame for that. A large bolt of lightning shot horizontally through the sky, illuminating the entire pier for a brief second.

At the end of the furthest dock, straight ahead, sat a small boy with his feet hanging off of the edge. Everything began happening so fast. He broke into a run, something was very wrong here. Perry swayed from side to side, as if he became a flower in the wind. Passed out and unconscious, Perry unknowingly began to hold his breath.

The teal-haired boy fell forward into the water, drowning.


	5. Love is a Phenomenal Thing

Once he reached the end, he dove in after Perry, he couldn't die now. He opened his eyes in the crystal-clear water, the water beating on the surface due to the weather. Slowly sinking, Perry was losing breath fast, bubbles slipping from his open mouth. Heinz swam deeper and deeper, desperate to catch up to Perry before it was too late. He threw out his hand and grabbed Perry's wrist, yanking the boy up to his chest. With one arm holding him close, Doofenshmirtz used one arm and both feet to propel himself to the surface.

With one arm he pulled on the wooden railing and laid Perry down before climbing up, himself. He placed his ear to the boy's chest, no heartbeat. His mind turned frantic as he desperately began giving Perry CPR. He pushed down on his chest, switching to the head as he closed Perry's nose, blowing air in. After about a dozen times, Perry spit out the water but his eyes did not open.

"Perry! Perry! Are you alright?!" Heinz placed his palm against Perry's forehead, extremely hot to the touch. He looked down and noticed his ragged breathing and red cheeks. "You went and got yourself sick from all this rain... and you call me a doofus." He said more to himself than anything, picking up the passed out boy into his arms, casting a sad but relieved look down at Perry.

Walking at a steady pace, the rain slowly began to stop but it was still dark from the arrival of night during the storm. "Thank you." Perry said sleepily, before slipping back out of consciousness. "You had me so worried, I thought you were dead." he said out loud, knowing Perry couldn't hear him.

Once he reached the house, he ran a warm bath and quickly stripped Perry and set him in, hoping to bring heat back to him. He took a sponge, squeezing it at the base of Perry's neck, letting the warm water slowly trickle down his back. Perry opened his eyes, looking over at Heinz, still in his wet clothes but tending to him instead. It made Perry smile. "You saved my life, you know."

Doofenshmirtz was slightly startled at the voice but smiled back, "I'm just glad you're okay. You had me worried sick." Perry nodded in understanding, "I know, I'm sorry about what I said, it was completely uncalled for." Heinz smiled a bit, smoothing the wet hair out of Perry's eyes, "I could never be angry at you, not really." Perry didn't realise it before, but Heinz didn't have a single evil bone in his body. He was truly the most kind-hearted person he'd ever met.

Perry looked up at him, "Get in, you need the water, you'll get sick too." Doofenshmirtz looked slightly embarrassed but stripped, sitting behind him in the tub, soaking the both of them in warm water. If you ask now, neither of them will admit it, but they fell asleep in the tub that night. Exhausted from the day's stress, Perry slept against Heinz's chest and Heinz against the wall of the tub. Needless to say, they both got sick. At least they were sick together, though.

Once Heinz finally gave Perry his new hat, they began work as special agents in the animal division, doing jobs that called for opposable thumbs and bipedal movement. Sometimes, if you're quiet, you can hear them kissing in the copy room. Those crazy kids.

Love is such a phenomenal thing, isn't it?


End file.
